Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Ebb And Flow

Well. Lucille has suddenly disappeared. Apparently she's got a bunch of fashion shows and she's off to get a boyfriend. Girl is fickle dude!

Ima gonna charge my 30 days whether it's now or takes 30 years. It'll be like the Slap Bet on How I Met Your Mother. You'll never know when it's coming.

On the other hand, a huge storm is brewing over by London. I am going to hell. I can't wait for it to just open up and rain on everyone's parade.

I guess there's also a sick sense of pleasure that my predictions go against someone else I know.

But you know. I'm just saying.

Anyway.

HOW TO DRINK A BEER

Dude it's easy, just pop the cap and slurp away.

Cheers!


I'm kind of all happy now, because I just added one of my new favorite albums to my blog. It's called "Broken Cities" by See The World (www.seetheworldmusic.com) I don't know what it is about that first song, and another one called "Losing To Win", oh, and "Paintings". I just like the lyrics in general. They sort of remind me of Keane, or Coldplay, only they sound softer, it's just really smooth music.

I know, grunge King Nathaniel, listening to ebb and flow. Hey, at least it's not Hair Metal and Guitar Hero.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Most Girls I Meet Are Quite Savage

I'm a gemini. I get bored easily.

So today I'm going to talk about my bro Christian.

Fact #1. He's mega yummy.

He's strong and determined. He has a temper to match his body and dude, that body is ALL hard. He's a sporty guy, so he's very fit (that's what I meant by the way? pervs) and he does crazy dangerous things like ride horses and hit balls with long iron sticks.

Hehe.

And he looooooooooooves me. He kisses me goodnight and everything. Yeah I know what you're thinking. Oh yeah. He hugs and kisses me and wuvs me. How's that for a little creepy with your breakfast?

He doesn't quite worship me the way Nicholas does, but well, Christian is the older brother in this little family shindig so he's supposed to be the more mature type, right?

He has a secret place that I'm going to reveal one day, right here! A la PEREZ HILTON.

Ok I'm kidding. If my brother ever deigned to tell me his secrets, I would never publish them. If he deigned. But he hasn't.

Fact #2. He keeps secrets from me.

LE GASP OF SHOKU. I know!!!! I mean, from ME! ME! His precious younger brother! His SUN! His MOON! His WEED--er--FLOWER!

How dare he?!

Well, I'd squeeze it out of him but I'm afraid he might punch me. You see all in all...

Fact #3. Despite appearances, Christian is a violent guy.

I mean, granted, this can be useful when he's, say, trying to protect me from old perverts who want to cop a feel of my sweet sweet bisexual ass.


But for the most part, it's just a slightly scary warning sign slapped on his perfectly calm forehead.

You know what? I should train, and then test his temper, and see if I can take him. I oughtta! Once upon a time, I could slam Michelangelo into a wall... then again he was usually permissive because the slamming was followed with some heavy making out BUT STILL GODDAMNIT.

Yes, that will be my mission, to make:

Fact #4. I can totallly take him

TRUE.

Hey, I've had to fend off my share of men when he's not around, and I've got a mean right hook!


Plus I look cute doing it, and who else can say THAT? Am I right? Am I right?

Now who's your disco daddy?

Squiggles,
Disco Stick

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Confessions of an Emoholic

Bang.

Way to shoot me with my issues Lucille "I HAVE MORE FACES THAN A GEMINI" Delton.

I don't self-analyze much, it's not my style, because I know who I am. I have to clarify this here in MY blog, lest someone think I'm populating THEIR blog. I was going to leave this as a comment, but it sort of turned into an entry, and why not? If the world knows it just makes for better coffee conversation.

First, let me clarify why I dedicate oh so much blog space to Lucille Delton and bet shit like move in with her for 30 days and call her names and abuse and taunt her.

Obviously, I like her.

Like you didn't see that coming.

There's more to it. Out of all the people that populate this sinister limbo of life, Lucille is the one most like me. Which is at times cute and at others kinda scary. I'd love it if we were very similar, but we're not. Yes, I know that just makes what I said confusing. Here's the deal:

Why SheHoe and Narthurloony are alike:

a. We were born in the same year. We're the same age. In limbo land, we were born in the same generation and got tossed to the side by our no-good parents.

b. We were both extremely good at being extremely bad.

c. We both went through the spiritual transformation equivalent of winning The Biggest Loser Reality TV Show.

d. We both got a second chance to prove ourselves to other people.

e. We both switch careers like crazy people.

But this is where the similarities end. We're not very similar at all. We have these things in common that appear fundamental but at the core we're very different.

So I set myself up to comparison, saying that we're alike, and we both said it when we met. But when I see Loony Lucy running around and wetting her bed linens with mopey tears, I know for sure we're nothing alike.

I never tried to actually find myself.

And that's where we are so different.

I see this girl, making every possible move to change or be herself or turn into someone else and I think to myself. Wow. You're aware that's never gonna happen.

A leopard doesn't change its spots. You can dress up the leopard, you can tame it, you can calm it down, but it's still and will always be a wild predator.

Lucille, you're a nice girl. A nice girl, who is extremely good at being extremely bad. You're a femme fatale under wraps. You should be an international spy killing bad ass mofos, sleeping with random men a la Bond, Jane Bond and coming home to a loving husband who doesn't care if you slept with half the world and left a trail of blood so long as you share with him you're favorite chai vanilla tea and smile.

You're a hell of a lot more fun than Ashley is. You just don't know it.

Why do I bother you so much? Because you're killing that awesome chick. You want people to like you but their opinions don't matter. You feel left out from your family because the Deltons don't really love you, they see you as a tool and the moment I saw you I knew that was the one thing you needed. Love. I said that word and your whole universe just went KABOOOM for some reason. Suddenly you were rampant in search for love, and depressed because you'd realized you didn't have it. And you started turning into different women, Lucia's, Pucia's, Lucillia's, wtf? I don't know? Like turning into different women would get you someone who loved anyone of THOSE women. Like any of these women held the answer to who you truly are.

LIKE YOUR GRANNY KNOWS WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE.

I totally dig that you and my step-brother gave it a go, but it failed. I like that, because Christian wasn't dating Lucille. He was dating Lucille-who-wants-to-run-away-from-Lucille. A girl within a girl. At least, that's the Lucille I saw, because I met you years ago, before any of these other people existed and I observed you. If that is who you are now, then hey, ok, you succeeded in transforming yourself, good for you, I'm sure you'll make it work. But if there's even a slight hint of who you were inside of all that glitz, that's a girl I seriously dug. If she's gone, then I don't mind having sex with your body and pretending that's the real one I'm fucking.

I set myself up a lot, and that has never changed. For example, in the past, I dated this girl, Katrina (or she who should NEVER be named) and I only did it to piss off my little brother. Nicholas, I don't think you've met him? I didn't like Katrina, not really. She was a virgin and I wanted to pop her cherry. I wanted to see Nicholas cry. I wanted to show him who was boss. End of story. I'm a mean guy.

I haven't stopped being this guy. If anything I've just become better at it.

I knew this was toxic, I knew it. But did that stop me? Noooo. I follow through with whatever sick game I'm playing until the very end. I drop hints only every now and then, far down the line, when I know they'll do the most damage, or when I know they'll at least register shock.

So here's my confession of the day: I didn't fuck Caroline because I liked Caroline. I fucked Caroline because she reminds me of Lucille Delton; just a dumber, more boring and flat-chested version.

This confession may not matter to you at this point, but it matters to me. And hey, this is MY blog after all. See, I'm respectful of people's space.

Toodles,
Disco Stick


Friday, September 4, 2009

The Dancer!



Your International Spy Name is Viper Swan



Your Code Name: The Dancer



You Reside in: Amsterdam



Why You're a Good Spy: You're a goooooooood lover


Because sometimes I do random Blog thingies, memes and quizzes. Now check out my real post of the day!

A Little Less You, A Little More Me



So, I'm settling into my new room in Milan. I'll be living with Lucille "I'M SO EMO AND HOPELESS" Delton. I call it the "30 Days In Milan" Challenge.

I know we won't be the only ones here, there's also Christian and Marie who are moving in not too far down the road, and I heard Vincenzo is visiting his cousin Giovanni over in Rome, he'll probably drop by for no reason. All in all, things seem like they'll be a little bit crowded.

My motif though, isn't so much to enjoy the melange of peoples dropping in, but to see if I can make sense of the point of Lucille Delton among us once and for all. There's several options, I can fuck it out of her, I can slap it out of her, I can yell it out of her, or I can ignore the hell out of her, blindfold her, gag her, tie her up and pretend I'm fucking Caroline.

I kid around a lot, but I make up for my childishness with a lack of sensitivity. Not the Eric "Whoops, I'm a douche" kind either.

Lucille and I are very similar. Except I have a cock, and a pair of cojones. And she's just a big pussy.

She just likes to mope and complain. Because she didn't get what she wanted. Because nobody she wants pays attention to her (Though people she doesn't give a flying fuck about do pay attention, but ah! those don't matter). Because nobody is giving it to her good every night with a chunk of soulmate syndrome (Which might I add, I put into the equation). Same as I dregged up her old lame' ass carcass from the ground (See initial entries) and challenged her to become someone. I also put the notion into her head that she wasn't just a fucking machine but a human being deserving of love.

All of this and she still stares at me like I'm wearing a bad Santa Claus suit in the middle of thanksgiving?

Oh really.

She's not alone in the world, or misunderstood or ignored. She's just a stuck up little princess. And you know what I do with stuck up princess types? Ask me. I'm a sadist.

Princess ABooBoo is a spoiled crybaby who thinks she has all of us figured out. Except she doesn't. And she won't.

Ever.

Because masochists don't work that way.

And a masochist is what she is. Guilty as charged and forever bawling her woes out, amen.

Or you know, she'll turn into a complete psycho... that'll make me laugh my ass off.

And I do like watching comedies.

30 Days of Milan. I know what my purpose with this is. Now let's begin.

Squiggles,
Hoot

ABooBoo... U Want Ze Sexy Time?


I am NOT a whore. But I like to do it, like... a lot.

Heck I'm so horny lately my green hat is pointy, and that's just my blog cartoon.

I don't know what it is, maybe it's the whole fever thing, makes me think of "Captain Smith and Pocahontas, had a very mad affair, when her daddy tried to kill him, she said daddy oh don't you dare he gives me feeeeeever."

I love that song.

Anyhoo, I'm gonna get laid for the next 30 days with Princess ABooBoo. Now, I don't think it's fair for her to just jump into the sack with me.

So here's to you ABooBoo, a little preview of what's to come. That way you won't be like "Hey! I never got a trailer for this extremely long extended edition of the Lord of the Rings installment!"

Unhu, you know what I mean.

Here's Caroline the Tweetie Twat:


Blank


OH NO I DIDN'T... Oh yes I did. Recorded that on my blackberry voice note.

There's a 30 Things Bucket List of sorts for the next thirty days. Now that's great and all, and I do plan to be a bother, oh hell, a bother won't come close. And I will of course amuse beyond that and go through with the Bucket List. But I'm not sure I need a list. As Amerie would say, "it's this one thing oh oh".

I honestly have only one goal in mind, and it sure as hell ain't to be friends. Right toots? Muah!

<3

Squiggles,
Disco Stick
Who's your pointy master biatch!


Thursday, September 3, 2009

Cup of Tea? Anyone?

Humankind is destined to rot and swell up and die. Humankind is evil to its kin. No one will cut you a break if you give them the benefit of the doubt. No one will give you a second chance. So I'm young and I'm pissed, and I don't care anymore. ~ Lucille "Don't Give A Damn" Delton
So, um... I'm moving in to your apartment at a good time, right?

...

I've cared about others expecting something in return. I was so wrong. In the end, we all fend for ourselves. A smile is not returned with a smile in this world. ~ Lucille "World Has Fucked Me Over Enough" Delton

Does that mean you won't brew me some of your famous tea? Or make me a Sicilian Cassata as a welcome gift? Or a Chicken Taquito?... a campbell's soup?

...

What I'm going to do? Who the hell cares? Maybe I'll take over Eric's little throne. Maybe I WILL be the first female to lead the Deltons. Why not? Maybe I'll go to Japan and visit Tokyo Tower. Why not? Whatever I want. Whatever I feel like doing. ~ Lucille "I'M MORE EMO THAN YOU" Delton

Ok we need to get one thing straight. Bitch you ain't going nowhere for a month, not while I'm around. We made a deal, and you're sealing it, consensually or tied up and screaming. Because I'm willing to do both. Then we'll see who feels like a damn great fucking (Keyword: Fucking) woman.






How's that for my cup of tea? Only a couple more hours till my flight lands! See you there honeybuns!

Rowr.

The Big Comeback

Yeah, I was gonna write some sort of big comeback, but the guy sleeping next to me on the airplane had a huge hissy fit and now they're making all of us turn off our electronic equipment, lest he start shouting "TERRORIST ACTIVITY" again.

I'm moving in with Lucille. Whee. There are more people coming along for the ride, and this might turn fun fun fun or naaaaasty.

Well. All in good cheer.

Hehe.

My new catch phrase: "Take a hit, not a hike"

HA! Suck it McDouche.

MUAH

Kisses and hugs from your sparkly disco stick ;)